Fear

Everyone is afraid of something, and if you say you aren't you are kidding yourself. Because we, as humans, are born with fear. We need it to survive otherwise all those thousands of years ago, all of our ancestors would have been eaten by tigers or something.. Sure over time we develop new ones and may learn how to overcome it, but the fear response is always there. So, I'll give you three of the bigger ones and how it can sometimes trigger anxiety. 

-Deep water, especially when you can't see or reach the bottom. This fear stems from a couple of bad experiences in water. It got to a point where I would think of any excuse I could to not go in a swimming pool. Luckily now I can at least walk in up to my waist without panicking. 

-Crowds, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I hate going into town when it's busy. Sometimes I don't really have a choice if I'm passing through or meeting someone. But in terms of shopping I avoid going in after lunchtime. 

-Small spaces, I regularly dream of being trapped in tiny spaces (I'll do a dream blog post soon I think). The fear of not being able to move or getting stuck somewhere is a massive fear for me. 

I think looking at these its a general fear of feeling or being trapped. Which says a lot about my anxiety and triggers as these ones are usually the ones to cause me the most panic.

Overcoming fear is difficult, it takes hard work, small steps and a lot of support. For example I didn't just jump in a pool again to make me feel safe in water, I started at the shallow end and worked my way through. Is it scary? Sure, but with the right support from friends and family it can help you significantly more than going it alone. 

xx

Being shy

I've been wanting to do this post for a while. Being shy for me isn't just hiding in the corner at parties or being quiet round new people, it's a genuine fear of unknown situations and to some extent conversations where I have to say more than usual. I feel it is also another root to my anxiety. 

Anyone who has read my older posts knows I've been bullied, but the shyness for me runs a lot deeper. My whole life I've been talked over and had people roll their eyes when I actually start talking, so it gradually got easier to keep quiet. People often mistake this quietness for being rude or reserved. When in fact I have quite a lot to say I just feel like I can't, its easy enough to say 'talk more' or 'stop being shy', and I would like more than anything for me to be able to do that. But like with many things in life, it just isn't that easy.

Going to uni, meeting new people and the experiences I gained from that have helped me come out of the shyness more than I ever expected it to. Now although I struggle sometimes, it's definitely easier to talk more than I used to be. I feel like I can voice my opinion and not have people roll their eyes at me. The days I do struggle, I feel frustrated more than anything because I know I can do it. 

I learnt that there's more people who care what you have to say compared to those who don't. I also learnt that it isn't my fault, I never have, or will do say something that would purposefully offend someone. So its not like people spoke over me to shut me up. Fair enough I'm not the loudest person, growing up in a family where I was taught to be respectful and keep my voice levels reasonably quiet. But that gives no one the right to treat people with any less respect because they have been brought up differently. If you take anything from this post it would be to not disregard someone because they are shy, more often than not they have plenty to say they are just afraid to say it. 

This post ended up more of a rant than I expected. So, I'll leave the post with the flowers I bought for mum for Mother's Day, because they are really pretty and the weather has been really dreadful so bring a little colour to an otherwise grey and rainy day. 

xx