Friday, 29 January 2016

Body shaming and self image

I think everyone at some point in their life has felt awful because of what someone has said to them. From other posts you know I've been bullied in the past. And as much as I say I've got through it, when I have one of my bad days they resurface.

Words hold so much power, it's something we all use everyday whether through speech or writing things down. I'll give you an example, with my NF1 I have birth marks or cafe-au'-laits marks over my body. This includes freckling on my armpits, groin area and chest. So, being told by a friend 'ew what's that on your chest' bothered me. Purely by choice of wording, I felt like I was being pointed out for something I was born with. This is the same by telling someone they are too fat, skinny, tall or small. On the surface it seems like nothing. But to the person you say it to, it can hold a lot more power than you realise.

How you see yourself is just as important as how you see others. Personally I feel that even though I know I'm not perfect, I know it makes me.. me.
-My scars have shown the surgery I had, without which I'd probably be severely crippled by now.
-My birth marks show I have NF1.
-My face shows I'm half Japanese.

 Being able to embrace who you are takes time, I'm only just starting to get to the point where I am able to do this. That knowing you are enough and people should never have the power to make you feel any different. So smile more and remember it's alright not to be what other deem to be perfect.

There's been no one exactly like you in the past, and no one will be like you in the future.. unless we invent cloning. But that's not my point..


Monday, 25 January 2016

Anxiety busters for on the go

As promised in a previous post, I'm going to review rescue remedy and Scentered. I don't claim to be an expert in any sort of way, there isn't a magic cream that removes anxiety (although that would be handy!!). These are just a method I have found that helps to keep it at a more manageable level. I decided to go down the natural route as I've been on all sorts of tablets from painkillers to antibiotics for most of my life. In all honesty wanted to try something new that didn't involve going to the doctors constantly and taking tablets that will numb instead of sort. I felt a combination of these natural remedies, meditation and exercise work best for me.

Rescue Remedy
Rescue remedy is a mixture of plant and flower extracts which when combined help keep you more calm when faced with stressful situations. This remedy work by dropping four drops onto your tongue, this then works it way round your system.
The great thing about this is that it is all natural so anyone can use it and you can't really overdose on it. So you don't have to worry about accidently putting more drops than you were supposed to. Also its small enough to fit in your bag, if you feel embarrassed about taking it in front of people there's alternatives such as putting some in your drink.
I came across Scentered recently via Twitter, I read the reviews and decided to give it a try. The one I decided on was the escape balm. The delivery was really quick and it actually smells good. It comes in a cute tin and the actual remedy itself is small enough to fit in your handbag or pocket. This works by rubbing a little on your pulse points, in this case the best place is your wrist and your neck (I made sure this was right by asking the company before I used it myself). They tell you to: Stop apply to pulse points, Inhale deeply and Reset your mood. I think it's great how simple it is and the range of options available cater for lots of needs.
I love both of these products and would recommend them to anyone who wants to go down a more natural route or just wants to try something a bit different.

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Anxiety: Overthinking

There's nothing wrong with admitting that you are struggling. Sometimes there's that voice in your head telling you that you should curl up in a corner and hide from the world, another one saying you aren't worth it and another one saying you should give up. All of which leads to a pretty noisy head.

I always joke that I can do things if I can convince my brain. Its pretty accurate really, the more I tell myself I can do it, the more likely I am able to do things. This can be anything from going to the shops, to going out with friends. Going to the shop is something alot of people take for granted, but when you worry to the point where you can't leave the house. This is when many people will sit back and think, how can you be scared of going to the shop? For me its not necessarily the shop that triggers my anxiety but more the amount of people that will be there. I hate feeling like I'm trapped and feeling like I'm being judged. Again to many this seems completely irrational, and maybe it is. But for me it can stop me from leaving my house and if I do, my heart races and my whole body tenses.

Overthinking can damage relationships, because you are forever analysing everything and wondering why something has or hasn't happened. And I'm doing everything to try and do this a little less everyday. Talking to someone you trust is usually a good start, a best friend, family member anyone who knows your story and can be there for you. Talking not only takes some weight off your shoulders, it makes you feel wanted.

Another thing I do is take recue remedy, this calms me down enough to ease some thoughts (I'll do a review blog soon!). This is also great if you tend to overthink before bed, alongside this I listen to an audiobook. Being read to helps you sleep quickly, and it reminds me of being younger. I listen to anything that's on my iPod and put it on loop in case I wake up again in the night.

Sorry this one as a bit wordy, if you have any questions feel free to ask.


Thursday, 14 January 2016

Anxiety: Graduation

Today was finally the day for my graduation ceremony. I woke up after a really restless night sleep thinking what am I doing?? But then I kept telling myself this is my moment, it doesn't happen much in life just go for it! I chose a simple dress that was easy to breathe in. And some lovely boots from the New Look sales.
My anxiety was so high and my heart was racing, mainly because of the huge amount of people that were there. I managed to spot and talk to a couple of lecturers and that eased my anxiety a little. It also helped that I was sitting with people I knew so could chat. I honestly don't regret any of the choices I've made throughout uni and the graduation ceremony was a way to show that hard work pays off. Here's me in my grad gown. To anyone with anxiety, sometimes doing what scares you can turn into positive things sometimes!
It's been an exhausting day, both mentally and physically. And anyone whose helped make my day easier (and is reading this blog) a massive hug and a thank you to you). It helps more than you realise when you see how much support is around you. I'm now in my jammies with my feet up and mums decided we all need a treat, so a Chinese it is to celebrate. Any excuse really.. Yummy!! xx

Friday, 8 January 2016


I don't get complimented all that often, but when I do I always find it difficult. A lot of this is down to bullying in the past. More often than not the bad stuff sticks and never leaves you. There could be something someone said years ago and it will pop in your head randomly and you wonder why. Then you realise its because someone said something really lovely to you. But because you've been sitting there with these other thoughts, you just don't believe the good ones.

People always say you could been given all the compliments in the world and its the bad ones that stay with you. This is completely true, when friends, family or anyone else say something nice I never believe it. I will always shrug it off or just say thanks without really thinking about it.

I drew this quick sketch to anyone who doesn't understand what I'm trying to put across.

 It feels like you are in a box, one that stops the positive things getting through. To anyone in a similar position, next time you get a compliment write it down, screenshot the text or message. So whenever the bad stuff does creep in you can push it right back down again. Compliments could be anything from being called pretty to being told you make them smile. Because being able to cheer someone up always means something. Whether this is because I personally don't feel in any way attractive or just because a smile can change anyone's day, I'm not sure. But what I do know is this:

Whilst you may not be able to break through the box just yet, you will one day, because the bullies of your past will never win.