Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Being shy

I've been wanting to do this post for a while. Being shy for me isn't just hiding in the corner at parties or being quiet round new people, it's a genuine fear of unknown situations and to some extent conversations where I have to say more than usual. I feel it is also another root to my anxiety. 

Anyone who has read my older posts knows I've been bullied, but the shyness for me runs a lot deeper. My whole life I've been talked over and had people roll their eyes when I actually start talking, so it gradually got easier to keep quiet. People often mistake this quietness for being rude or reserved. When in fact I have quite a lot to say I just feel like I can't, its easy enough to say 'talk more' or 'stop being shy', and I would like more than anything for me to be able to do that. But like with many things in life, it just isn't that easy.

Going to uni, meeting new people and the experiences I gained from that have helped me come out of the shyness more than I ever expected it to. Now although I struggle sometimes, it's definitely easier to talk more than I used to be. I feel like I can voice my opinion and not have people roll their eyes at me. The days I do struggle, I feel frustrated more than anything because I know I can do it. 

I learnt that there's more people who care what you have to say compared to those who don't. I also learnt that it isn't my fault, I never have, or will do say something that would purposefully offend someone. So its not like people spoke over me to shut me up. Fair enough I'm not the loudest person, growing up in a family where I was taught to be respectful and keep my voice levels reasonably quiet. But that gives no one the right to treat people with any less respect because they have been brought up differently. If you take anything from this post it would be to not disregard someone because they are shy, more often than not they have plenty to say they are just afraid to say it. 

This post ended up more of a rant than I expected. So, I'll leave the post with the flowers I bought for mum for Mother's Day, because they are really pretty and the weather has been really dreadful so bring a little colour to an otherwise grey and rainy day. 


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